Breaking Isolation: Four Steps for Physicians to Find Mentors and Allies

I wish I had a mentor or an advocate at work. Someone who could show me the proverbial ropes and be my ally. I hear this so frequently from my coaching clients. I especially hear this as a huge concern when completing medical training and entering the workplace. 

Starting in a new workplace is different. It is different and can be difficult even if you are trained in that very program. Either way, you are going to have to establish yourself and “prove your worth”. The question is who will you be proving this to? You or pretty much every other person. 

In this somewhat strange time, would it not be great to have a mentor, who can guide you with the “best plan”? Who could maybe say, “All alright, this is what I did and succeeded, why don’t you follow the same path?”

Or maybe it is a more senior physician in practice who is willing to support you, listen to you, and show up for you when the administrators or others in leadership are being unjust.

I will say both would be so very wonderful to have and would be a great way to support our young physicians and I absolutely advocate for that.

BUT… say for example, you started your new job and there is zero support for you in the form of mentorship and no one has your back. Then what?

Most likely you are feeling disenchanted and miserable. A large part of you is placing external blame - RIGHTFULLY- on how difficult things are in your practice. You let this consume your days and nights with rumination and mental exhaustion. 

“Now if only, these people started being nicer to me, things would get better”.

That my friend, is another version of the arrival fallacy. You are basing your happiness contingent on the illusion that WHEN people support you, THEN work will get better.

While no doubt it would and should, what about the precious moments you are losing in the meantime? Plus there is no guarantee that that change will happen externally as it is harder to lose the “bad people” in most hostile work environments.

I refuse to base my life on external circumstances and chances of change.

Trust me, my friend, I know EXACTLY how you feel.

Why? Because I have been in the same shoes as you and walked that lonely, frustrating mile.

AND- If I can do it, so can you!

I have also coached many clients, also on the same journey as you, who have been in toxic workplace environments of various degrees, both in private practice and in corporate medicine settings.

Here are action steps you can start taking as you end this article:

1. LIST YOUR MENTOR/ ALLY- WANTS- Spend some time truly reflecting on what are the exact things you are looking for help or support in at work. Make a list. Even if it is something like “I wish there was another female physician who could advocate for me or support me with the microaggressions” etc. This list of wants will make clear the internal thoughts that are running wild in your head in an actual format that you can access more tangibly. Have this list easily accessible to you, and edit as you evolve. If you know what you want concretely, getting it becomes easier. If you have a vague halo-y mentor in mind, it is harder to find them.
2. LIST YOUR WORK OPPRESSORS- Make a list of people at work who suppress and oppress you. Who is robbing you of your happiness and joy? Who not only never supports you but also hurls giant roadblocks in your path to happiness. Who do you think these people are? Let’s get clear on all the people in your way to joy. Now ask yourself this question: Why does this human have so much power over my joy? Answer it very concretely such as “They make the schedule and I never get PTO”. I recommend writing all of this down so you have it accessible later. This list is an indicator of all the places in your mind that you need to explore your self-worth and recognize boundary setting. 
3. LIST YOUR POTENTIAL MENTORS/ALLYS- Make a list of any, literally any person (front desk to admin) - who is kinder to you, who is gentler to you, OR who you think could be there in times of need. For me, I had to think deeply, search in my organization (not just the remote, offsite clinic I was at), and initiate the connection with an amazing colleague, a senior professor of medicine who is one of the kindest humans I know. We never worked in the same physical office but both of us loved all things medical education. When I sent the first email to connect with him, I was so nervous but I am so glad I took that first step. He was a light in the moments of absolute darkness of burnout and the projects we worked on together gave me so much meaning and purpose. There is a very high chance, someone like this could be present somewhere in your organization. Write any possible names down.
4. “MY MENTOR and ALLY IS OUT THERE”- Yes, repeat this mantra after me. If you are rolling your eyes right now, I do not blame you. Saying these magic words is not going to suddenly have your supportive guide apparate in front of you. However, if you open your mind to the possibility for a second and intend to connect with someone who could mentor and support you, the universe likely WILL provide.  Even before I emailed that amazing colleague I mentioned in point# 3 above, I set the intention that I was done being alone and that I was actively going to “CREATE my Mentor”. I made my public Twitter/“X” account and started sharing things I enjoyed at work, retweeting, and following other physicians whose words resonated with me. Before you know it, I found quite a few other physicians with similar passions willing to support me. I had the fortune of also following the same exercise as I built my coaching practice and the Early Career Physicians Institute. I have since connected with and nurtured relationships with about 15 Core Physician Allies whom I feel comfortable contacting anytime.

List all the places where you CAN and likely will find an ally- your local favorite medical society chapter, social media (LinkedIn, IG, X), local business societies etcetera. Get creative, put on some inspiring music, and make your list. 

If you decide today to try out these four steps above, all free, all inexpensive - it will be four ACTIVE steps you would have taken towards creating a more successful and happier future for yourself. Instead of PASSIVE rumination and consuming more content, be kind to yourself and give this a chance. 

You see my friend, the thing is when you intentionally open one positive door, it in turn will open many other doors of possibilities that you had not even considered. You will meet and connect with so many incredible humans and you WILL find your support. Trust me, if I can do it, so can you.